It Was a Rainy Monday...

20 years ago today it was a dreary Monday. This was the day a legend was born. Literally, I was born. Being born in the rain probably makes me sound like a depressing child...not so much! I am no longer a teenager. I look back on those years and think, 'I really should have invested in a straightener sooner and what the heck was I thinking.' Today has been an interesting day so far. My best friend tackled me at exactly 12:00am. I woke up to find that she had also "decorated" my car. Let's just say it was so flashy that it probably will be out of the public eye for a little while. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I think that was due to the fact that my bed smelled like Sexy Cowboy. I got too distracted. I literally started counting sheep. That myth doesn't work just fyi. I received a card from my dad today with a re gifted gift card in it, but hey; it's steak-n-shake and I am not complaining! Katie told me to be ready at 4 and so I actually decided to look decent for the shenanigans she had planned for me. I shaved my legs. Ladies and gentleman, you have to understand that I hate, with a fiery passion, shaving my legs. I do it because I am a lady, but I hate it. It just really upsets me that I work so hard making them look nice yet I get razor burn and butcher half my leg off. Oh well! Let the randomness continue! My "husband" text me this morning a very sweet message about how I give him wisdom and what not. He was being all hallmark and all I could think of was 'for two months I get to be a cougar! mwhahahahahaha' Yea, there is probably something clinically wrong with me. I know. Anywho...we ended up going to the Melting Pot. In jeans. This is one of those places where jeans are looked down upon. This is a very classy place. Luckily, we had a super awesome waitress who played along with us and put up with our rookie ways. Dave & Busters was next on the list. If you have never been there it is basically like a giant arcade for adults. After buckets and buckets of tickets I got a sweatshirt, pub mug, and a shot glass; ya know, for next years birthday! Of course we had to hit the walmart as well. There were some classy people there too. It was grand. And we ended the evening with Fast and Furious 6. Holy guns, and I mean muscle guns, but there were real guns too. It was so good and I highly recommend it. Thanks for all the happy wishes and what not. I hope everyone had a grand day!

My Life is a Bad Horror Film

I figured I would start today off with a  funny! Being a born and raised, proud to declare Hoosier, I find things like this a wee bit on the hilarious side. So not much happened today because I was sick. I took Benedryl and I don't really remember the last 16 hours. Therefore, I will have to share some random story from last night. Side note, does anyone else feel super fancy when they use the word 'therefore'? When I say it I feel as if I should be stroking my imaginary mustache and wearing a monocle. Okay, back to story telling! The only problem I have with this whole downstairs apartment thing is that there are spiders. I am not a fan of spiders. The only spider I am okay with is the daddy long leg. Now that is a spider that does not sound threatening! I'm talking about the big black, hairy spiders that look like they could eat your family if they really wanted to. I have seen a few and so I complained to the land lords of this place. My dad came downstairs and sprayed spider-away! I don't actually know the name of it, but I'm hoping that was its purpose. All was well and good until about 5mins after he sprayed. That's when all the spiders realized their corners had been drenched and so they decided to disperse. Here I am just minding my own business when the Adams family of spiders starts making their way to share my bed. Luckily for me, I have quite the collection of flip flops. Now I have quite the collection of flip flops decorated with dead spider legs. I don't think any sane person should have to sleep with a flip flop next to their bed, but hey; no one every said I was normal. The worse part is, my meds are making me dream of giant spider invasions! No more meds for me. For now, I can live with the spiders. They aren't my biggest fear. Now when clowns start invading is when we will have a bigger problem on our hands. I will have to invest in bigger flip flops! Have a glorious few hours left in your day and don't forget to go out and dance in the rain!

-j

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Here in the Roberts household we do not turn on the air-conditioning unless the queen of England is coming over. Last night it was beyond hot in our house! The great thing about living in the basement is because it is underground it is a bit cooler. Well...it wasn't last night. Every square inch of this house was hotter than hot cakes on Sunday morning. The genius I am, I decided I needed to workout. Working out equals really hot and sweaty. Five minutes in I was dripping! Of course this was at midnight as well. I was tired, but I was not about to sleep in a pool of my own hard earned perspiration. I decided to shower. I have never requested a cold shower, ever! Usually when I shower when I open the shower curtain, the mirror fogs up from hot shower steam. This time, I'm pretty sure it started forming icicles. Let me just start off by saying it was late and I was tired. When I started to wash my hair I noticed my soap was not soapy. That, ladies and gents, is because I started off with my conditioner. You know it is going to be a good day when you start the rinse cycle before the washing even had a chance to hit the hair. Nevertheless, I can't wait to see where this day takes me because lord knows a mix up with the hair never gets you anywhere! Have a beautiful Tuesday darlings :)

-j

Cars and Such

Okay, so being a Hoosier usually qualifies you in the highest aspect of driving. Apparently, that does not go for all Indiana residents. Today I was a big girl and ran my own errands. I had lunch with my sister, hit the post office, and did the typical grocery shopping. I was very proud of myself. After lunch with my sister I was walking back to my car AND ALMOST DIED! Last time I checked, pedestrians have the right of way. This lady must have failed drivers education because she wanted to play hip check with her car! I was halfway through the walkway and she approached pretty fast. I slowed down because I wasn't sure if she was going to stop. There was a stop sign so I knew she had to stop. So, knowing that, I continued to walk. Her car went halfway through the stop sign so I stopped about an inch from her car. She finally did stop and I thought she had seen me. Therefore, I started walking again, but before I could take another step, she started yelling at me and gunned it. I'm pretty positive that she told me to watch where I was going. (sassy z snap inserted here) EXCUSE ME! I was not texting, looking down, or eating a taco. For once in my life I was actually paying attention and I am shamed for it. To make it more awkward, she ended up being in CVS the same time as me. I hid for the sake of my own life. Anywho, good news, I didn't die today! And I got all of my errands done. Got a surprise for mom and a friend. The new basement apartment has added new furniture and pictures. My home is starting to actually feel like home. I hope you all had a grand day and didn't die. I would also like to ask everyone to pray for the people out west who were hit by the tornado. Those winds can be pretty nasty. Peace and blessings my fellow dorkies!

-j

Here Comes The Bride...

No, I am not getting married so everyone can just take a deep breath. Tomorrow I am headed to a wedding. One of my friends from school, her dad is getting married and her friends are invited to the reception. I'm excited to see some of my friends from school. I am glad that she isn't getting married. Some of my friends are starting to get married from college. A lot of people I graduated high school with are married or headed that way, but I don't keep up with them anymore so that doesn't really phase me. My college friends getting hitched is what gives me anxiety. I am super happy for all of them, don't get me wrong, but it is taking some adjustment to realize that is the time period in my life that I am at right now. I knew this day would come eventually. When we all grew up and had our own little families to brag about, but holy crudballs that came up fast. I am talking to one of my best friends boyfriends about them possibly getting engaged and the whole thing is just so exciting. Here is what I am currently surrounded with right now though; my best friend from home who is in a super good long lasting relationship, my best friend from college talking engagement plans with her boyfriend, a friend who claims she will never get married, a friend who is entering a super serious relationship, a friend in love with the ex, a friend who just loves the opposite sex, and two other friends talking serious relationships. That comes around back to me. I have been told my whole life that God has someone extra special planned for me. I have heard all the excuses for why I am single; all the guys you talk to are jerks, no guy you've met is good enough for you, he will be here someday, just be patient, if you stop looking he will find you. I know all the lines in the book. I am pretty happy being single for the 20th year now, but I'm not gonna lie. Even me, crazy, strong, and independent me, gets scared sometimes. Have you ever thought that maybe you were put on this Earth just to be on your own? I know people who do it, but my whole life I have been so dependent on others. You can ask any one of my guy friends, I am touchy and a tad nosy but that is my love language. Touch and quality time. Can't help it! So taking those two categories and putting them into a girl who might be a crazy cat lady some day could be dangerous. I try to picture what it would be like. Just having an apartment by myself and living day to day with just me. It honestly makes me a little sad. Even though I am the girl who likes getting dirt under my nails and going camping, I do dream about being that princess in white someday and being able to cook for my family. No worries though, I sometimes look at it this way; God hasn't brought me a guy because He wants me to be a missionary in Jamaica. I am not all about finding a guy. I am really enjoying working on my own life. I am falling in love with God and the plans He has for me. For the girls who are all about finding a man though; there is a reason you are single. You are supposed to be solving your own puzzle before you can go adding more pieces! I have faith that Prince Charming is out there and he is just a little stuck in traffic, and knowing my luck, too stubborn to ask for directions! Well, there is my random rant for tonight!

-j

Technical Difficulties...

Sorry I have been MIA. I am a teenage girl who has a tendency of sleeping more than functioning. I apologize for that! So, I will give you a hint for today's rant....

 

So here are the sad facts. I like me some pizza. Since we are on a strict diet in this household I love when I get real food. Today I got Rally's and Bdubs. Bdubs is short for Buffalo Wild Wings for the wise generation. Anywho, I was such a happy camper. I love salad...don't get me wrong. But I respect a true salad eatin girl. I cannot do it! I love food too much! Glory, give me a cheeseburger and I will probably (jokingly) ask you to marry me. I realize that saying that you are probably picturing this super big girl salivating over a steak, but I like to work out too. I just watch some of these girls eat nothing but salad and water and then they go kill themselves in the gym so they can look good for their man. Here is my thought; if God is okay with me being a partial carnivore, then he will bring me a guy who loves me and my love for a good pork chop now and then. Plus, usually girls who know how to eat usually know how to cook. Not always, but I can make some mean homemade pizza. Today's post is going to be short, but I just wanted to give a shout out to all the healthy girls. Skinny girls, do not be afraid to scarf down that piece of pizza. Wear those chocolate stains at the corner of your mouth with pride! If your man can not appreciate a woman with an appetite than he might be in the wrong relationship. For all the late night snackers, try some fruit or a salad sometime. Me? I will stick to my flax seed, egg protein healthy breakfast shake and Rally's burger for lunch! Now if you excuse me, I'm off to do some ab work! Loves from the weight room!

 

-j

Family Cleaning Day

Okay...so whoever created mind games for the teenage generation should be in jail. Point of the story; guys do not mess with girls. We read into every single word and punctuation mark you use. Girls, the poor fella probably doesn't understand what he is doing wrong so don't freeze him out just because he didn't text you back in .25 seconds. The end.

On to our main topic...
So I did not get the memo that said Saturday is "family cleaning day." Ya know, I wondered why my mother handed me a pamphlet when I came home from college, but I figured a title like "Things That Have Changed In This Household Since You Left" wasn't anything to read about. Boy, was I wrong. First off, the family is on a new diet. We are now a gluten, egg, dairy, soy, peanut, sugar, and something else, free household. There is not a Dorito or Oreo in sight. I've been through a lighter of this before. When I was younger and all the kids at school were opening up their lunch boxes to find snack packs and pop tarts I opened mine to reveal packets of tuna, salmon, and celery. As a thriving middle schooler, it does not exactly scream cool to be spreading tuna on a low fat cracker. So this whole diet thing has been fun, but home girl needs a chicken nugget! And then there's family cleaning. I woke up to the vacuum being run overhead this morning. Apparently while I was asleep the whole house was being cleaned. I was told that my room should be picked up and bed made. So, I picked my room up, but I have yet to make my bed. I never really saw the point in making my bed if we weren't having company over. I'm just going to get back in periodically over the course of the day. I will probably give in and make it though. In all seriousness, I love my family. My mom asks very little of me and I probably give her too much crap for it. I have been mooching off them for quite some time now. To all the mother's out there, thanks for doing what is best for us. Sorry we don't say thank you that often, or we love you. Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies out there! And mother, since I know you will most likely end up reading this, since it is now on your favorite tabs, happy mom's day and I love you!

-j

The Perks of Being a Fisherlady

Okay...so most girls, when they first get a pedicure, they are very delicate with their lives. They take every precaution to keep their toes lookin fly. Well, Sunday I got a pedicure, first thing I did was run into the pond water to catch me some fish. Sadly, I didn't catch any, but I attempted. I like being girly at times, but you give me night crawlers and a hook and all thoughts of being of the female gender go out the window. Tonight, the war began between my mother and I. I have been fishing since I was able to hold my Barbie pole. Ever since I started fishing my mom and I compete to see who can catch the most fish. Tonight...I was defeated. Now picture this; here is this wise woman out in her fold out chair sportin her nightie just throwin out a line. And here I am being ever so patient and coordinating the right spot and everything. This woman beat me by 4! 4! I don't win a lot of things in life, but fishing is my game and when I lose...I am a loser. I caught my first bluegill on default. I threw out a bad worm and he came to get it so I slowly just happened to put my hook right under his lip! Didn't even have to cast out. Mom didn't even want to go fishing, but of course as soon as she does BOOM! a huge bass just lands in her lap (not literally, but almost). It isn't officially fishing season in the Roberts household until someone is peed on by a fish. Unfortunately, the lucky girl this year was me. Seriously, what living creatures first reaction is to pee on someone? It's whatever. I can accept being peed on because he will be in the frying pan tomorrow. Tonight was a success with 2 bass and 4 bluegill. Fishing adventures are usually pretty good in this family. Tomorrow night might be mushroom hunting with dad so we will see what kind of story that brings up. Well, have a nice evening! I'm off to do my nails!

Love Songs

 

Because I'm feeling super lovey dovey for some odd reason tonight...I figured I would share a short film. I adore short films. I think I like them because I might be ADD. I can't focus through a whole movie most of the time. Usually I just end up creating my own ending so short films are good for me. I am kind of like a dog...see a squirrel and I lose all attention. Not actually with squirrels though. I don't like them. It is more with shiny objects or handsome fellas. Anywho, nothing super duper exciting or funny happened today so I had to fall back on adorkable videos. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to love being in love! Just to clarify...I am not in love. I just heard it's nice.

This should be interesting.

Random thoughts of a hyper teenage female...

• why does someone make a twitter for their dog?
• seriously...what is the dog going to tweet; 'just slobbered on a baby #wagtastic
• does prince charming stop and ask for directions or does he just wing it?
• eenie, meenie, minie, moe...let's go this way!
• how tall is Robin Williams?
• he just looks super short to me
• why do clocks have to be so loud?
• nobody wants to hear that while they are trying to sleep
• why are family photos so awkward?
• except my family...we are cute
• fat amy is my hero
• just sayin
• does true loves kiss seriously cure things?
• cause I think I might have a stubbed toe
• why are cell phone lights so bright?
• it makes it so much harder to text in class when you are watching a movie
• do wishes made at 11:11 come true?
• cause I'm still waiting for a Popsicle
• why are the annoying songs so catchy?
• whip my hair and call me maybe
• how come guys can pinterest on a girls computer, but they can't get their own?
• matt and james...seriously
• how did rapunzel keep her hair so nice?
• I'm in the need for a new conditioner
• why can't a girl be country and city?
• I like to drive my top down convertible listening to adam levine while wearing camo
• why do people have to make things awkward?
• it is only awkward if you make it awkward and I don't make it awkward.
• and finally...why on earth do I have to have so many thoughts?

Update Potate

Sorry to all my readers. I haven't been on in a few days because I have been migrating north for the winter. I'm like all those old people who come back to the north because it is safe to be outside again. School is over and I am back in the tiny town of Nineveh. Tiny as in when you are at the four way you look left, right, in front, and behind, and that equals Nineveh. Anywho, after 20 years I got to have my own "apartment." My siblings both got to move to the basement in their early teens, but my mother said something about it being "too morbid" for me to move down there. So what I heard was it is okay for my brother and sister to be kept away from the sunlight, just not me. I basically thought my siblings were Gremlins growing up. The new digs are nice. I no longer have to share a wall with my parents so all those late crazy nights of Psych marathons won't disturb the old folks. I am kind of sad that school is out. I miss the gang. On my last night with my roommate I reflected on the year with her. Our late night dance parties, how we put on random hats just because we could, how I constantly thought she would fall out of her bed, so many good memories. My friend Laura being the best valentine and getting me flirty sauce packets from Taco Bell. Yea, I know what you are thinking, she is super romantic! Getting to know the newbies; Emmy rubbing her nose into my shoulder like a dog begging to get pet, Matt P. making fart noises with his arm, Burger doing his Kermit impression about how much he loved Miss Piggy, Kayley and I not being able to function on little hours of sleep and creating our own language, Julia claiming to be a stripper with her bum knee. Shall I continue...I think I should. Matt declaring that I was going to marry Micah. Side note; I don't actually think Micah knows my name cause he always only calls me Ey Girl. Okay...back on track. Jeremy doing his weird whistle to say CPO on the way to get mail, Casey licking my face, Morgan and I talking about boys, Lisa discovering book carving with her knife, Scott drawing memes on caf napkins, Josh and his leaking eye, Tyler being...well, Tyler. That brings me to Jameson. James and I had creepy telepathy all year. We also saw ambulances every single time we were together. It never failed. This is probably some sign from God telling us we shouldn't be around each other ever, but oh well. This year was a blast! I am glad to be home, helping mother with all her technical issues and fixing the television when it gets on any other channel but 3. I start my job in 3 weeks with a bunch of small children. Wish them luck!