No, I am not getting married so everyone can just take a deep breath. Tomorrow I am headed to a wedding. One of my friends from school, her dad is getting married and her friends are invited to the reception. I'm excited to see some of my friends from school. I am glad that she isn't getting married. Some of my friends are starting to get married from college. A lot of people I graduated high school with are married or headed that way, but I don't keep up with them anymore so that doesn't really phase me. My college friends getting hitched is what gives me anxiety. I am super happy for all of them, don't get me wrong, but it is taking some adjustment to realize that is the time period in my life that I am at right now. I knew this day would come eventually. When we all grew up and had our own little families to brag about, but holy crudballs that came up fast. I am talking to one of my best friends boyfriends about them possibly getting engaged and the whole thing is just so exciting. Here is what I am currently surrounded with right now though; my best friend from home who is in a super good long lasting relationship, my best friend from college talking engagement plans with her boyfriend, a friend who claims she will never get married, a friend who is entering a super serious relationship, a friend in love with the ex, a friend who just loves the opposite sex, and two other friends talking serious relationships. That comes around back to me. I have been told my whole life that God has someone extra special planned for me. I have heard all the excuses for why I am single; all the guys you talk to are jerks, no guy you've met is good enough for you, he will be here someday, just be patient, if you stop looking he will find you. I know all the lines in the book. I am pretty happy being single for the 20th year now, but I'm not gonna lie. Even me, crazy, strong, and independent me, gets scared sometimes. Have you ever thought that maybe you were put on this Earth just to be on your own? I know people who do it, but my whole life I have been so dependent on others. You can ask any one of my guy friends, I am touchy and a tad nosy but that is my love language. Touch and quality time. Can't help it! So taking those two categories and putting them into a girl who might be a crazy cat lady some day could be dangerous. I try to picture what it would be like. Just having an apartment by myself and living day to day with just me. It honestly makes me a little sad. Even though I am the girl who likes getting dirt under my nails and going camping, I do dream about being that princess in white someday and being able to cook for my family. No worries though, I sometimes look at it this way; God hasn't brought me a guy because He wants me to be a missionary in Jamaica. I am not all about finding a guy. I am really enjoying working on my own life. I am falling in love with God and the plans He has for me. For the girls who are all about finding a man though; there is a reason you are single. You are supposed to be solving your own puzzle before you can go adding more pieces! I have faith that Prince Charming is out there and he is just a little stuck in traffic, and knowing my luck, too stubborn to ask for directions! Well, there is my random rant for tonight!
-j
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